INTERNAL FAMILY SYSTEMS (IFS) THERAPY
learn to BALANCE AND embrace all the different parts of you
WHAT IS IFS?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an empowering, non-pathologizing approach that normalizes multiplicity as a universal aspect of the human experience. In IFS, we do our best to understand the different parts of us that play a role in how we live our lives. We also aim to connect with our inherent capacity to be kind, compassionate, and present with ourselves and others; we refer to this as the Self in IFS, which can also be thought of as the version of yourself wherein you feel the most grounded, loving, connected, and/or curious—the most you.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY PARTS?
Just like the creatures that make up an ecosystem, we are all made up of different parts that have different thoughts, feelings, and functions. For instance, we can have a part that feels anxious in unfamiliar social situations, a part that gets angry when it witnesses injustices, and a part that starts to become restless when things aren’t perfect. We can have parts that feel creative, spiritual, spontaneous, adventurous, and playful. We can have parts in opposition, such as a part that wants things to change and a part that wants things to stay the same.
All of our parts help us navigate the ins and outs of this life; they do their best to keep us safe. The way that they do this can be imperfect, in that our parts sometimes do not know that the way that they’re trying to help may cause more tension or imbalance inside.
An example could be that you’re feeling lonely and want to make more friends. You decide to go to a social event centered on identities that you share. The part of you that gets anxious in social situations might cause you to clamp up and not interact with anyone. You might then notice a part that feels frustrated or confused because you went to the event for the sole purpose of meeting some new people. When this happens, we can often feel stuck or frozen, not knowing how to move forward when we feel at odds inside.
EVERY PART HAS GOOD INTENTIONS
A central principle that makes IFS so non-pathologizing is the belief that every part has good intentions. In IFS, we believe that each part is doing its best to help in the way that it knows how. We believe and acknowledge that our parts have picked up lessons along the way from the outside world about how to do their jobs.
For instance, with the socially anxious part mentioned above, we can say that this part might have learned to keep quiet because it was made fun of for speaking up at an earlier time. It learned that it was better to stay silent than to face the possible painful outcome of rejection. We could even say that this formative experience of rejection was how this part’s origin story. When we recognize how this part is trying to help, we can often access more compassion and curiosity to get to know it better.
“It isn't that you're flawed because of what happened, it's that you're hurt.”
Natalie Y. Gutiérrez
THROUGH WORKING WITH YOUR PARTS, YOU CAN:
Identify thoughts, feelings, and beliefs without urgency, restriction, or the need to “fix it”
Clarify about why you think, feel, or do something that either does or does not align with your goals or values
Feel more flexible with your choices
Release unrealistic or harmful narratives we hold about ourselves (e.g., “I am unlovable,” “I am unworthy,” “I am bad”)
Increase self-compassion
Decrease bodily tension by creating more internal harmony
Decrease emotional shutdowns or freezes
Improve relationships by being able to show up fully and not hide away parts of yourself
Increase trust in your ability to lead your life in the ways that feel right for you
IFS AND THE BODY
All of my IFS work with clients is done with somatic influences. Often we feel our parts as bodily sensations, such as a part that holds anxiety and causes panic attacks, or a part that feels vulnerable and takes us out of the moment through dissociation. We can work with our parts to understand how they use the body to communicate.
A MESSAGE TO QUEER & TRANS FOLKS
IFS is an approach that has room for all the parts of you that you learned to hide or discard in order to stay safe. Through working together, I can help you reintegrate these parts in a way that feels empowering and harmonious, allowing you to return home to yourself.
